Days Gone By

2011-04-20T16:27:00.002+08:00

200 posts: TIME TO CHANGE BLOG!

tagboard here is disgustingly spammed.

http://debtitude.blogspot.com/

2011-04-17T21:08:00.002+08:00

HANDSOME!

missing raymond lam.

but still, WAH i cant believe i'll be in the same country as them but i cannot see them.

2011-04-13T23:40:00.001+08:00

2011-04-13T10:05:00.001+08:00

i woke up extra happy today.

maybe cos i prayed extra last night, for many people.

praying can be fun indeed.

maybe its because everyone is at home this morning.

saturday every day!

maybe cos its the second last day of school.

that rocks, just a little.

i see the seniors with their sentimental messages on fb and i think to myself - i MUST treasure school before i miss it like they already do. its funny we always complain through the late nights but when we come out of it, we'll miss complaining about the late nights.

wow morning blogging. nice!

off to do a bit of work:)

2011-04-12T20:08:00.002+08:00

i think stats has taught me one thing.

in a certain question of a study done, it is stated that when one places a pen in between his teeth, he finds the sentences more humorous than one who holds his pen above his upper lip.

so now when im sad or frustrated, i put a pen in between my teeth. it works cos it makes me smile!

okay last week of school let's go! :)

2011-04-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

I'm done trying. if you want me in your life you're gonna have to find a way to put me there. #ohteenquotes

2011-04-08T00:18:00.001+08:00

went to kindergarten to observe, cousin's birthday, yellow lesson, study stats ten, novena, fat man's butt.

tyvm thursday.

2011-04-05T01:23:00.001+08:00

attitude towards serving.
we should serve joyfully and not see it as a burden.

okay God, i hear you!

2011-04-04T22:04:00.001+08:00

i would slap some sense into you if i could.

still i say, why should we do it if you dont care.

the world does not owe you.

stop being so spoilt!

2011-04-03T14:20:00.001+08:00

when i was young, when i couldnt get daddy on his handphone or his office phone after countless times, i would dial the car license plate number, just in case he was driving.

right.

2011-04-02T00:09:00.001+08:00

cold turkey!
i'll survive this.

2011-04-02T00:01:00.001+08:00

do you think we dont allow ourselves to feel anymore?

sian is not a feeling.
surpressed.

2011-03-30T02:42:00.001+08:00

i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything
i will not say anything

2011-03-18T23:24:00.003+08:00

now i know why people go clubbing

it's these feelings of restlessness.

we are young we are free

i wanna party all night all night all night.

2011-03-16T00:44:00.003+08:00

maybe one day it'll be worth it

for now i dont see how it's worth

suddenly

reflection comes

my heart opens

and then i realise

i want it closed.

too much time to think

i just wanna eat and drink

school's good

cos im occupied

when im not

all things go wrong

i cannot have too much

of a good break

momentum dies

ashes build up

connection takes longer

all turns sour

i dont think

before i type

some things

unconscious

others straight

from my heart

stats.

literacy.

(oh how i never change -

complains before work)

2011-03-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

maybe

sometimes

its not

enough.

SIANZZ

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2011-03-05T09:03:00.001+08:00

Maybe the toilet is the best place to be in now.

2011-03-05T00:04:00.001+08:00

gossiping is sinning, i know, i learnt that in sunday school! but i cant help it, it helps me find common grounds with people, it's almost my way of making friends. i dont like me for that. very peer pressue. very movie-like mean girl. not cool deborah, not cool!

2011-03-03T22:58:00.002+08:00

we think survivor crew sleep somewhere nice, eat somewhere nice while filming.

but on jeffprobst.com, behind the scenes, the truth is, they are ARMYfied.

they sleep in tents or temporary homes like in the pics below and eat in a canteen.

weird. new perspective on survivor! :)

2011-02-28T13:33:00.001+08:00

i am sleepy
im not absorbing anything stats

exciting weekend
mourn monday

now i dont think it'll happen
but im praying it will!
OHWELL.

transformation
standard deviation
sleepation
goodnightation

2011-02-22T14:33:00.002+08:00

2011-02-22T14:33:00.001+08:00

2011-02-21T20:45:00.002+08:00

tumblr post! :)

2011-02-20T22:39:00.001+08:00

stolen image!

2011-02-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

burst of tumblr images, v.nice:)

2011-02-13T22:41:00.001+08:00

AMEN.

2011-02-11T03:19:00.001+08:00

i miss my cross - chain spoilt an im afraid i'll lose it so i dont wear it and im missing it's soft clanging noises when i go to bed and pulling it front back to front whrn i wake up.

anyway call me deborah freedom lam:D

today i recycled
-3 kinder surprise toy shell

...and i made something special for everybody is class. nothing much but to congratulate everyone. i'll post pics soon! so excited to show off my minion!

it's 0318hrs and i should really close my eyes. //OUT//

2011-02-08T21:06:00.002+08:00

...but i still want to be with those i've known forever.

let's be nothing because nothing lasts forever.

sudden burst of blogposts i know.

i just want to whine and not do my work.

i shall wait for the world to sleep.

2011-02-08T19:11:00.001+08:00

i no longer know what it's like to be in excruciating pain.

90210 is addictive.

i blame nadiah.

Argh the essays!

2011-02-08T16:10:00.001+08:00

dont hate me just because im smarter than you. it irritates me that i cant understand what you're going through - i cant help it, i worked hard to get my grades, you didnt.

2011-02-07T19:14:00.003+08:00

okay plan for one week break before i go crazy when i complete my assignments!

thankyouforshowingyoustillcare,

evenifitwasjustthat.

2011-02-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

"This is a public declaration that Y is not looking for a boyfriend so please do not matchmake. If she treats you really nicely, it's because she really likes you as a friend so embrace it. No, she will not be a nun and no, she does not have the gift of celibacy. There is a season for every thing. Love love!!"

HAHAHA I LOVE MY FRIEND'S STATUS V. MUCH!

being single is pretty cool, really.

2011-02-06T18:53:00.001+08:00

dear heart of mine, i'll settle with you later?

be good and let me do my work please.

2011-02-06T18:38:00.001+08:00

that's all i can do for.

2011-02-02T02:19:00.001+08:00

so i googled sg weather and i got a shock when i saw -2°C!

2011-02-01T16:07:00.002+08:00

I just want to pursue my passion for young children, why do I need to learn how to be a mentor, why do I need to learn about stress when I cannot even handle my own stress? So what if I know children’s language development and their bilingual development? It is a natural process and I do not really have to know it to be with children. DAMN YOU DEGREE, I SEE NO FUTURE WITH YOU. IT’S MAKING ME LOSE MY PASSION EVEN MORE. I look back and see why am I doing all these. why deborah why. it's not cool with my daily waterworks and i still have to go to school and smile like im really having the time of my life. am i wasting my youth on this? it's really tiring just sitting down and making myself go through all these. i would tie myself down with a string, i could lie about how much i want to be a mentor and how much i think knowing about children's language would enable me to be a better educator but inside im really thinking why go through this? why why why yes there is passion but i really dont think i need to put myself through this crap and pieces of shit nonsense. DAMN YOU DEBORAH. and after i get myself to finish my assignments i'll think it's no big deal but its really the psychological barrier i have to put myself through. I'LL PAY TO BE OPTIMISTIC but it's just not in my character. still i say, IM A LITTLE MORE THAN USELESS.

2011-01-30T19:02:00.002+08:00

PUSHING LIMITS

not easy really.

IT WILL PASS

for now it hurts.

I WANT THE END

right here right now.

WATERWORKS

whole week.

IT'S SO BAD

it can only get better

OR NOT.

2011-01-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

2011-01-28T00:49:00.001+08:00

mummy says,

"sweetheart, when are you going to get a good sleep?"

2011-01-26T05:36:00.001+08:00

AH habit to blog when i have work that i really

really really really really really really really

dont want to start or do but i have to do.

faints

if my life were like a car,

i would crash today.

maybe i should just find an online article

plagerise someone's essay...

or, i should start doing now.

shit im glad it's wednesday

i wont be able to survive another day like this

/OUT.

2011-01-23T15:03:00.002+08:00

a workerholic friend told me recently:
If i dont do work, i dont know what else to do.

SERIOUSLY

you need to go google

"101 list of things to do"

or something.

HAHAHAHA

i just cannot tahan lahh.

here's some i'd suggest

1. SLEEP

2. make butterfly crayons

3. SLEEP MORE

4. fold playing card boxes

5. SLEEP FOR 24HRS

6. cut up a tshirt

7. LIE DOWN & SLEEP

8. read a book

9. SLEEP IN FRONT OF TV

10. watch tv.

11. ...AND SLEEP

12. jump in puddles of water

13. SLEEP IN A BUS

14. dance to music

15. ...THEN SLEEP

16. count how many pens you have

17. COUNT SHEEP TO SLEEP

18. paint your nails polka dot

and that's a list i want to do

instead of essays reflect analyse.

Post Created Jan 19, 2011 18:57:26

2011-01-19T18:57:00.001+08:00

my background photo this week! :)
(until we take more at polka dot day)

Post Created Jan 19, 2011 18:55:07

2011-01-19T18:55:00.001+08:00

mummy: are you ready?
me: i was born ready!
daddy: ya right, every morning when i wake you up you are born ready?

Post Created Jan 17, 2011 12:20:15

2011-01-17T12:20:00.001+08:00

for a heart that is unsettled,
excitement anxiety fear altogether.
for a heart that is unsettled,
vibrating hands and heart quickened.
for a heart that is unsettled,
floating mind forced to think critically.
for a heart that is unsettled,
please find peace in Jesus name.

2011-01-16T21:35:00.002+08:00

friday:

yam orientation was wow-whee more people than ever.

cell was strength of ten:) following that was supper,

changed tables three times cos each group i sat with left

reached home at 2plus am, K.O.ed soon enough.

saturday:

woke up almost 3pm, followed by hours of craft and tv

singing to hairspray and really just doing nothing about work

which i know i'll regret soon enough but oh well.

sunday:

i love today despite the slight bad news. manila echo with lovely team, not as fun but i still love mission trips and it's always wonderful looking back at each trip.

then i left early and bused to mint museum where c02 caught up with photos and chitchats and looking at toys. i think i love c02 more ever since we graduated!

best of both worlds, some b5 mates were there too: val+tkdino+ezra = very lovely time.

tonight's gonna be a long night

if i deelly dally.

but i plan to finish it by 1am

so i can sleep in peace

wake up in peace

ready for a new exciting week

and another party weekend

wheeeeee.

2011-01-14T00:21:00.001+08:00

i dont care if it makes sense or not anymore cos it really is to help me learn and i am learning by not making any sense. thankyouverymuch!

2011-01-13T17:12:00.002+08:00

hello i am back from wakeboarding,

and when i reached the shore reality struck.

it's back to the pile of reflections.

back to eat reflect sleep reflect shit reflect.

i think i'll take a nap before i start

on my (sad to announce) nine chapters.

four reflections which i havent started

two was due on tuesday ohmyverytian.

oh wells cheers to a long night and a

very good TGIF tomorrow. :)

2011-01-09T21:03:00.002+08:00

damn my quitting attitude

zero resiliency thank you

i have been trying to sleep

but even sleep is against me

hello escape

issit 15april yet?

2011-01-08T13:02:00.001+08:00

this week i've experienced extremely hyper

and it's time to crash.

2011-01-08T12:30:00.002+08:00

childhood stress? really?

no one remembers childhood stress,

everyone remembers happy memories!

2011-01-06T15:51:00.002+08:00

i love tumblr,

but i cant use it for blogging

cos i'll reblog everything.

2011-01-06T15:40:00.003+08:00

trying to think of one clever sentence to create a lasting impression on my essay so i'll do well despite the rest being close to nonsense.

Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me

my motivation to finish my work,

is korkor coming home next week

but then not strong enough to make me start work.

starting is always the hardest part

and usually pressure would help me start

especially when i know i have to hand it in TODAY

so 12am always helps me start

now it's 4pm and it sucks cos i feel that i have a lot of time

boo ya.

2011-01-03T23:49:00.003+08:00

we'll find a way to get away.

i look for satisfaction or motivation to do my work.

twitter, facebook, tumblr, blogspot, livejournal.

nothing motivates or satisfies.

but still i say rejoice.

i've just written in my book the load for six weeks.

i foresee latenights, alot of whining and complaning,

but i also see april 15 drawing nearer and nearer each day.

anyway i keep singing the ten commandments and i dont see how it tells me to do my homework. OH WELL. i've got assurance that i'll be alright tonight so i am happy much even though i have not started on my two percents and it's late.

sometimes i dont like my attitude.

sometimes only.

crazy girl ttm.

OUT.

Post Created Jan 3, 2011 0:45:59

2011-01-03T00:46:00.001+08:00

i really want to be positive about school but it irks me as much as i want to be grateful that i get to study BUT i really loathe it. rahhhhhh. i try i try to smile and say i'll get by, i really will. but the inner part of me just wants to throw a big tantrum and make a big huge fuss about school starting. eww gross.

Post Created Jan 3, 2011 0:37:58

2011-01-03T00:38:00.001+08:00

i refuse to say that school's gonna be alright.
DAMN. too school for cool.

15 april
15 april
15 april
15 april
15 april
i'll give you a big prize if you come earlier.

school school go away
come again another year.

2010-12-29T18:25:00.004+08:00

i feel mega nauseous thinking about school. reading the assignment descriptors are gonna make me throw out.

nevertheless,

im satisfied with my pretty planner i just made.

would make school a lot easier, really. (i hope)

"helping children cope with stress"

REALLY? we need a module on that?

ironic really.

sianzipua.

school school go away,

take your time.

crawl back if you must.

DREADUARY = dreading january.

deep breath.

"It's okay. Daddy's here, Daddy's got you. I promise I will never let anything happen to you." –Marlin (Finding Nemo) #disneywords

okay im ready.

2010-12-29T00:26:00.003+08:00

dear 2010,

i love you.

in short 2010 was significant because,

i graduated.

i traveled - a lot.

i began school.

i turned twenty.

im so blessed.

events of 2010:

* 6yee's wedding was a big family event.

* burdetts visitation made us all smile.

* sangkhlaburi was very heartwarming.

* melbourne was very refreshing. + horseriding:)

* london europe made me very happy.

* world cup was a little crazy scary but fun.

* church camp was really just bonding.

* cornerstone camp boosted my confidence.

* wheelock started and it was enriching.

* korkor enlisted and family life changed.

* ymlc prepared me a lot for the future.

* i enjoyed my home time in october a lot a lot.

* work @ kids gym a very good experience.

* vbc had many significant moments.

* flc saw my little brother grow up.

* manila gave me really good times.

* korea made my heart drop. + skiing:)

* christmas was no longer the christmas i knew - in a good way.

2010 was probably the best year of my life to date.

i admit this year was not the best year of personal relationships but it was a good personal break, and i promise i'll work on it in 2011.

2010,

i gotta leave

but i'll miss you.

2010-12-26T03:32:00.001+08:00

merry christmas!

it's 4am but i have four dancing boys in front of me playing raving rabbids! omg hahahaha too funny.

yaay i totally love how tomorrow is sunday!

next week: reflect & prepare for new year hooray goodnight!

2010-12-05T22:08:00.001+08:00

like when i was fifteen.

2010-11-30T23:58:00.001+08:00

2011

i've got a strong feeling that it's gonna be the year, the year for even greater, the year to emerge and the year to build.

metamorphosis.

new responsibilities, new relationships, breakthroughs in strongholds.

exciting much.

& mel, i miss you!

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2010-11-11T00:48:00.001+08:00

2010-11-09T19:33:00.001+08:00

i stared and waited for a sign of pain. but all i really felt was... freedom and a sweet smile. HOW LOVELY.

2010-11-07T01:01:00.001+08:00

im starting to feel my commitment issues surface again.

i've only worked for 8 days and im thinking of not working anymore cos im
bored of it + very discouraging when i make mistakes. yeah its fun and all but after a while i just get really bored of doing the same thing. tomorrow party, hopefully not as crazy as the last one. and thank God a guy is working, which means - the guy does the hard work and i'll just be responsible for smiling and loving. yaay.

but mann im missing vbc briefing and i sort of want to know who's in my group! yaaaaaa and im promoted this year to advisor, which is the 'aunty' style - let the assistants do the dirty work. hahaha okay im starting to love shrinking responsibilities! im missing supa camp this year, partly because it's lame i gotta pay to help out and cos im really going for illegal reasons.

do you hear christmas bells ringing? im lovin' the christmas sale of candy canes and decors in supermarkets, makes me very happy. we're also going to sing christmas songs in manila, vehry exciting! this year i'll also get to feel snow, slide down snow and be in snow cos KOREA baby, im coming:) of cos how could i not mention FL camp im not missing because of the good speaker they got. more imptly, i love youth camps more as i grow older cos there's always alot of love going around and i enjoy the 'been there done that' mood:)

frankly, my life is not exciting now. im either working or packing (which i secretly enjoy).

my mind is filled with proposals and ideas to spend my not-so-holiday-anymore. i envy my ambitious friends jess and janelle who are planning their businesses and i really want to be as adventurous but im born with the kiasu spirit, so afraid.

oh well. today, korkor's singing melted my heart. if he wasnt my brother i would be head over heels in love with him. guys who sing, love Jesus and have the surname LAM are mega attractive. lol SO WRONG, i did not say that.

okay bye!
silent night.

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2010-11-04T07:46:00.001+08:00

New place today. Im actually beginning to love mornings! :)

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2010-11-03T20:13:00.001+08:00

What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it? What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it? [code red - what good is a heart ] *** thanks to my crazy colleagues who played this song a million times today in between classes, it's stuck in my head. But i really think the words of this song makes sense:)  

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2010-11-01T21:33:00.001+08:00

In secondary school i was a thinker. Now, i hardly even think. * Once in a while, a random friend talks to me and makes me happy. * i don't think im allowing myself to feel what i really feel anymore. * reality check. * there was a time. * so many things add up to who i am today. * i need to overcome that one obstacle or i'd never move on to who i wanna be. * no work tomorrow. * many opportunities. * my head says go, my heart says... I dont know what my heart wants anymore. * oh and im working on sundays. What happened to my stands? * as easy as it is to go wild, deborah you're got to keep temptation away. * one moment. * 

2010-10-23T15:50:00.001+08:00

i really like this.

"one more please"

oh i wish feelings could be replayed.

2010-10-18T15:37:00.002+08:00

now now

i'll be paid $7/hr

to be high

to smile a lot

to give hi-fives

to carry equipments

to lose weight

to sing birthday songs

YUPS.

i guess,

at least it'll get me away from

waking up at 1pm

eating two meals for brunch

sitting in front of the tv

going back to bed to slack

waiting for antm, AR, survivor

watching taped mentalist, lie to me

catching up with glee, 90210

lazing till it's time to go out

staring at my room at 1am

fullstop.

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2010-10-15T17:56:00.001+08:00

Nobody likes me everybody hates me i'm going to eat some worms. Fat worms skinny worms long worms short worms - i'm gonna eat some worms!   Hope disappointment. (x3)  I almost don't wanna in for holiday anymore so i can work for two months and maybe someone would hire me then. MEGA SAD:(

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2010-10-12T17:20:00.001+08:00

I almost wonder why i have so many pig stuff toys haha!

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2010-10-12T16:57:00.001+08:00

Once, all of you made me very happy. But you're all going to make a little child happier than i was, and they're going to love you more than i did. BIG HUG!

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2010-10-11T00:20:00.001+08:00

Maybe getting a job aint important. I'll just stay home all day doing these stuff!

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2010-10-09T11:45:00.001+08:00

The holiday mood is really settling in, i cant bear to send in my resume! But i'm really wondering why the gym isn't calling me:(  It's cool to have tea with no worries! Yaay and i'm onto photoblogging:)

2010-10-08T14:59:00.003+08:00

In the end, i got this complicted vivaz pro which im still trying to figure out. Cheers.

2010-10-04T23:29:00.001+08:00

2010-10-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

hello familiar wall.

2010-10-03T19:54:00.002+08:00

This is the phone I want to get. Vivaz Pro = $98.

But I still want to get this. New Ipod Touch = $428.

But to carry around both, is almost retarded.
and i still refuse to convert to an iphone user.

Then there's another baby involved.
Canon Powershot Compact Camera = $500-$700.

I havent researched on cameras but I know I want something like this with features almost as good as DSLRs but compact enough for me to carry everywhere.

WOW three babies.
this is almost stressing me out.

2010-09-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

i guess, it's the last night i have an excuse to stay up late that's why i dont feel any urgency to finish my work.

2010-09-29T08:47:00.003+08:00

I WILL...

01) i will make another video of c02.
~~02) i will finish all my work today and sleep early tonight.~~
~~03) i will change my name to Holiday Lam.~~
~~04) i will not sleep and forget to meet my friend anymore.~~
05) i will have a fulfilling holiday, i must.
06) i will find a job, or two, for money and experience.
07) i will not use my computer a week each month.
08) i will throw away things in my room.
09) i will sleep early and wake up early.
10) i will attempt not to put on weight.
11) i will keep in touch with my SK friends.
12) i will post many photos - both new and old.
13) i will have more HTHTs.
14) i will spend time with Jesus an hour a day.
15) i will make good use of my lifeguard cert.
16) i will have sleepovers!
17) i will make things i've always wanted to make.
18) i will go overseas at least once.
19) i will laugh a lot and have lots of fun.
20) i will pray. i will pray that all these will happen.

2010-09-28T06:05:00.002+08:00

101.

i know i didnt put my heart into it.

2010-09-27T23:52:00.002+08:00

where would i be without you Jesus?
where would i be without you Lord?

i seriously felt nauseous thinking about what my life will be without Jesus.

who would clear my social anxiety? who will i cry out in desperation in late nights like this when everyone is asleep? who will be there when all i want to do is lie in my bed and emo my day away? who calms the storm in me before class presentations? who do i go to with my complains and will never get sick of it? who can read my heart and i dont even have to speak a word? who will tell me everything's gonna be okay and i know it will be? who can reach into my heart and pull out all the uneasiness in me? who else could know my thoughts and motives like he does? who else can be all mine? who else is perfect? who was there from the very start and will be till the very end?

that person,

that's who im living for.

2010-09-27T05:22:00.002+08:00

julie's not gone.

she's just,
a few minutes away on skype.
a few hours away on aeroplane.
a few days away and she'll be back.

-it's time for korkor's watch alarm to ring again-
how many times have i heard the watch at 0524hrs?
many many wonderful late nights time!

& wah seriously, working in a group of ten can kill.
im so afraid that everyone's relying on someone else.
& im worried cos i dont know who's printing the assignment!

lol okay nevermind nevermind life goes on.

research part c
research outline
arts lesson plans & evaluation
1-2 page arts (failed one)

thursday will come quick! :)
and....job search!

2010-09-24T08:27:00.002+08:00

on 21st september was yvonee's birthday.
& GM-NTU day.
met up with xq, xy, v, y and t!
g couldnt meet us ):

i ave satisfied my lantern craving with this mega lantern!
mega funness:)
in rachh's words, "a night of FLYING LANTERNS + WISHES, SPARKLERS ART, AND STIRRING @ C.NAI!" she forgot the good-looking pianist at C.NAI every thursday night lol. here are some photos from gav!

school.school.school.
that's really the number of days left!

2010-09-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

j: how are YOU!

i: bad sometimes, okay sometimes, good sometimes, great sometimes, awesome most of the time! HAHA.

okayokay, transitional activity over. time for the real work for real man! HEHH.

i: *looks out window to the see where the sound of FAKE lanterns came from* WAH, the moon is very bright today!

d: yup that's why we're supposed to play lantern and eat mooncake.

HEH, today is a happy day!

2010-09-22T21:24:00.002+08:00

HEY LOOK IT'S WHAT NADIAH THOUGHT ME TO TIE! & i'll keep my hair till that length so i can tie like that:)

this is reallly coool:)

from now on, icing is my only option for birthday cakes!

i think the government should make fake snow since singapore is so small. fireworks and so last season, snowing would build a better togetherness in singapore. next national day? :)

im coming, im coming! out to freedom! :)

i smiled alot alot alot today! :)

2010-09-22T15:01:00.001+08:00

i hate being sleepy and hungry. i'll feel too hungry to sleep but after i eat im too full to sleep. sigh and i usually do the latter.

2010-09-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

SHOCKING

but really

i just wanna say

God please help her remain in you.

Amen!

2010-09-21T00:41:00.003+08:00

"do you think, perhaps, there's more to life than eating?"
"you mean, like sleeping?"

HAHA LOVE IT.
i want to sleep for 100days.

i just planned my next two weeks & it's all good
...if i follow all my planning strictly.
school's ending soon, im thinking of applying job now!
i really wanted to work at that gym but bx quit already :(

0oh well maybe not meant to be.
tomorrow is an exciting day
cos there's no school.

i need to do script that's why im blogging
cos blogging is my transitional activity
for young adults with autism.

why so many people in/going to london?
SUPER JEALOUS.

i wish i could wear like that in singapore!

2010-09-18T01:38:00.002+08:00

2010-09-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

2010-09-14T23:01:00.001+08:00

i think i may have had enough of school. my results have been like sai and i realky cannot stand putting in hardwork and getting sai back anymore.

what does God see in this? im really exhausted by life itself. indeed there was renewal, refreshment, revival. i know i'll get through this somehow - it's just part of life's life.

but haiya i cant help feeling that im so sicksian of school, really. it's never ending work. it's not that i cant handle it, it's just that i dont want to.

wake me up when september ends!

2010-09-12T22:28:00.001+08:00

over-overwhelmed!

2010-09-07T22:09:00.001+08:00

-im coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus.-

i have high hopes for this weekend. there's fear about the social part and i sometimes regret signing up because of it. but really, i want it to build on to my spiritual life which im so lacking.

-draw me close to you, never let me go. i lay it all down again, to hear you say that im your friend.-

on a good note, korkor is coming back in two days! i wanna see him before i go for camp, i really hope i can. wah seriously i cant believe im saying this but i miss him as much as i miss holidays! i was just thinking about our melbourne trip - horse riding and all. wow, what i would give to go back to that one hour of riding through trees and kangeroos and sand and just smiling like there's no end.

-you are my desire, no one else will do.-

whats new, another complain: i dont feel like doing play. such an oxymoron btw. the week's going byebye! i love how time flies. maybe i should be time so i could fly. i'll write numbers all over me, move my two hands every second - just so i can fly.

-it ends tonight, it ends tonight!-

2010-09-05T21:54:00.001+08:00

what makes me happy?
what creates excitement?
how do you fake it when you cant?

-hold me in your arms-

2010-09-05T21:45:00.001+08:00

this week,
will be crazy
full of complains
less on my bed
more on my mind

research outline
research test
play assignment
pack & prepare for camp
next week group assignments

wah my sleeping + awake life sucks!

(just now i dreamt abt something scary. okay dont scare myself.)

HAIYA:( here i go again! :(

2010-09-02T00:46:00.001+08:00

a little story of stuffed animals in a playroom talking to each other:

"what is real?" asked the Rabbit one day.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once like being wound up?" he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time... Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER AT ALL, because ONCE YOU ARE REAL YOU CAN'T BE UGLY, EXCEPT TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND."

- the velveteen rabbit by margery williams, read from Who am I in Christ by Neil Anderson.

2010-08-29T11:42:00.001+08:00

remember surrendering?
remember digging our own cisterns?

i have an easy life with a difficult personality & attitude.

2010-08-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

Bipolar disorder
"People commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased need for sleep."

Do you know that there are so many types of disorders and diseases that it just goes unidentified. Then again, why should it be identified?...so that i know there's something wrong with me and I can be inferior for the rest of my lives? Let's say i've never heard of dyslexia and i just think reading and writing is just a 'weakness'. I think i'll be fine just taking it as "God gave me other strengths" instead of "it's a disability".

okay fine, maybe dyslexia is a bad example - everyone knows about dyslexia. Do you know about bipolar disorder? I only found out about it recently while watching 90210 [which channel 5 cut short and now there's no more of it even though it's not over - roll eyes]. Bipolar disorder, according to my understanding from the show, is when you are super high one moment (they call it manic i think) and super depressed the next.

"Manic" describes an increasingly restless, energetic, talkative, reckless, powerful, euphoric period. Then, at some point, this high-flying mood can spiral into something darker -- irritation, confusion, anger, feeling trapped. "Depression" describes the opposite mood -- sadness, crying, sense of worthlessness, loss of energy, loss of pleasure, sleep problems.

and there, like everything else, bipolar disorder is hard to be defined. there are different degrees of bipolar disorder on its spectrum and it is hard to be diagnosed.

-----------------------------------------------------

i was just thinking, maybe i do have bipolar disorder. or ADHD. or high-functioning autism. I DO NOT KNOW! i've been hearing of people being diagnosed with something unfamiliar in the early years of adulthood (MY AGE) and it's scary just thinking that maybe, i have some disorder, some disease, that i grew up with but never knew about.

like tonight.

rebellion,attitude,
im ashamed of myself
yet, im lovin' it.
it gives me control.

"im curious about you. you act like a nice girl. but you're like a volcano waiting to erupt. trust me, one day..." - 90210.

2010-08-27T00:26:00.003+08:00

as of today,

from monday to friday

in the house, i will be:

oldest child

latest to sleep

laziest

...and i'll discover the difference one person makes in my life soon.

God, please grant korkor favor!

2010-08-24T23:55:00.002+08:00

is 3 days in a play/discussion group enough to determine a person's character? [UG conference friends, 2007]

i love ying ting mel haz & our interesting topics and little games. it makes school so much more bearable.

metaphorically, sometimes i wish i could be in my own world like n-korea.